garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
