I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
