So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
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We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Liz is crying about burritos again.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize