Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
