Kiss
Puke
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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