Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize