I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize