i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
