These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize