yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
where does the pee come out of this thing
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
