My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
lets start a swedish sibling band together
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
