U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
