Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
