Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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