hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
