Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
