You work out of a Hotel?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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