What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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