cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
