At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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