I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
