sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
