the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
