Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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