Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
