just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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