3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
