he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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