Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
