I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
