He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
