she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
