I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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