Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
