you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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