Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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