i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
