Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
