if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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