so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
