the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
