you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
