Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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