someone get that fucking seahorse.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
