I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
