Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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