Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Randomize
