Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
nutella sex= disaster
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
So many bounce houses so little time
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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