three words: i give head
three words: not that well
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
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Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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