I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I won't apologize to a one balled man
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
