I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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