I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
