i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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