this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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