Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
