Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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