life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
