Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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