I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
