Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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