Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
