Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
