On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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