nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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