Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
