I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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