"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
