yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
