Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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