You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
