what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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