And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
