A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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