babies were throwing up all over the place
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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