one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
