the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
