having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
