I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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