You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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