How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
