Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize