It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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