I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Is her dick bigger than yours?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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