he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
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I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
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Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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