her vagine was all disorganized.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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