Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.