Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.